It's all about the questions
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I'm terribly shy
It’s weird, I’m actually pretty good at connecting with people, and I love having a real good conversation. But I’ve always been very shy. So I came up with these questions that I could ask people to help me make connections with anyone. And I’ve had some really cool experiences with them!
We need connection
Brene Brown said it best: "Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering."
But Sometimes it's Really Hard
I always really struggled approaching people or starting conversations. Once I could get past that first stage, though, I found I was pretty good at having a meaningful conversation.
I started thinking a lot about what makes for a great conversation, and why I was able to have meaningful talks with people. What were the common traits? What questions was I asking that led to connection? I came across this article talking about the 32 Questions to Make Any Two People Fall In Love. Something like that. I was fascinated. The questions were chosen specifically because they produced the experiences that naturally built trust and intimacy and led to feelings of deep connection.
That got me thinking. If two people could fall in love by asking the right questions, certainly any two people could create a meaningful connection if they asked the right questions. Certainly two people (or more) could have a deep and satisfying conversation if they just knew what questions to ask. If they learned how to listen and let it flow naturally.
The 6 Pillars of Connection
Eventually I came across this article that described 6 social components that are very powerful in building a strong connection between people.
Gratitude
Nostalgia
Giving & Asking For Advice
Vulnerable Sharing
Learning Preferences
Commonalities
Let the conversation flow
I developed a list of 50+ questions to help anyone cultivate a genuine and meaningful connection with anyone else easily. These questions were chosen specifically to fit into and cultivate each of the 6 pillars of connection to help people overcome the defense mechanisms we all put up, and the modern-day challenges that keep us from making the connections we want.
The Right Questions
The right questions make connection easy, comfortable, and fulfilling. Here is a sampling from my Connection Card Deck