I’ve been battling with a lot of anxiety and stress over this new blog.
I was worried this might happen.
I wrote about my issues with writing in an earlier post. I didn’t want this blog to become another one of those writing burnout experiences for me. I didn’t want it to become stressful. I wanted it to be a stress reliever.
And actually I should clarify something. The writing part of this blog has actually been enjoyable. It actually has been stress relieving.
It’s some of the other stuff
Particularly I have been worrying, and trying not to worry, about how to get people to actually read my blog.
I have had this experience many times in my life. I have a great idea and a great vision for what it could be, and then I start the project with gusto, and then nobody sees it, or nobody seems to catch the vision like I thought they might, and then I get stressed and frustrated and try so desperately to find a way to get my stuff in front of the right people and eventually burn out trying to figure the whole marketing thing.
There are a lot of things wrong with my mindset about all of this. I know that.
I have always had a lot of limiting beliefs about my abilities and my self worth and the likelihood of people finding me interesting or valuable or even liking me enough to listen to anything I have to say.
I have struggled since I was a kid to believe that I could actually accomplish any of my dreams.
I mean, that hasn’t kept me from dreaming. A lot.
And it hasn’t kept me from trying to accomplish them.
It hasn’t even kept me from telling myself that I can do anything I set my mind to and partially believing it. I mean, I totally believe that principle…for other people.
But there has always been this deep-seated underlying belief that in the end I will be incapable of succeeding in the things I want to do. That somehow, some way, something will happen and I will be blocked from success.
It’s not a productive or helpful belief. I’m well aware of that.
In fact, I’m so aware of it that I have spent countless hours trying to change that belief. Trying to heal those limiting beliefs and replace them with something that is more supportive and helpful in creating the outcomes that I desire in my life.
But that endeavor in itself has become a bit of a traumatic experience for me.
Trying to convince myself that I will be able to succeed at the things I dream of, the things I desire, has been a grueling experience for me. It has worn me out over and over again.
So I have had to take a lot of breaks with it.
And then I come back to it eventually.
I find something else that I am passionate about and that I would like to explore. Something that excites me and that I feel could add a lot of value to the world and, yes, even allow me to increase my income so that I can take care of my responsibilities and provide a better life for myself and those I care about.
These are all of the things I have been wrestling with since I started this blog.
The writing has actually been fun. Therapeutic even. I have been able to express my frustrations or my hopes and my passions and my feelings and thoughts. And I have really liked that.
But then I have watched the numbers. The stats. I have checked to see how many people are reading my stuff.
And it has been a little discouraging.
And then I have had to catch myself and say, “no, don’t worry about that. Just write for yourself and continue to add value to the world and eventually the right people will find it.”
And I do think I believe that…partially.
But it has been really difficult to stop myself from worrying. To stop my mind from revving up and filling itself with the desperation-fueled thoughts of how to market my writing.
I can try Instagram.
Or Facebook.
Or X.
Or Pinterest.
Or YouTube.
Or Google ads, or Snapchat, or…..
Or whatever else there is.
I need to do more SEO. Maybe the titles aren’t good enough. Or the content isn’t filled with the right keywords or the structure isn’t SEO-friendly enough.
My mind has been racked with all of these thoughts, frantically reaching and grasping for the answer to help me bring in some readers.
And it has been exhausting.
And that is the opposite of what I want this blog to be for me.
I Hate SEO
I don’t like thinking in terms of analytics and SEO. I don’t like thinking about the algorithm when I’m writing.
I don’t like the idea of doing a bunch of research and finding what the people are asking and then crafting the perfect words to manipulate the algorithm and the people to increase my blog traffic.
I hate that.
It feels inauthentic. It’s the opposite of what I want my blog to be about.
Vulnerability, authenticity, and connection.
I want to write my heart and let my heart connect to others. As cheesy as that sounds.
I want to create a place where people feel heard and valued, where they feel like I am just a normal, flawed person who they can connect with and trust. Where they can see themselves in me and feel like they aren’t alone.
I want to write stuff that is moving and inspiring and beautiful. Even fun and funny.
I want to write stuff that is real.
Like a real person talking to other real people.
Hence the name of the blog.
A Real Human Being.
And thinking about what the algorithm is going to like doesn’t fit. The algorithm is neither real, nor a human being. I mean, it’s a real thing, but it’s not real in the sense that it is relatable to other humans.
But here’s the problem.
How do I get other real humans to even see my stuff without the help of the algorithm? How do I get my writing in front of the right people and convince them to give it a chance without thinking about the analytics of it all?
I honestly don’t know.
And part of me doesn’t really want to know. I don’t want to think in those terms.
So what should I do?
Maybe just keep writing.
Maybe that is the answer here.
Just keep writing and putting good quality content out there and eventually things will click and people will see it.
That’s what I’m hoping, anyway.
And even if nobody sees it, do I think that what I’m doing is a good thing? Yes. Do I think it’s adding value to the world? Yes. It’s certainly adding value to my life.
So I guess I would like to do it even if nobody sees it.
But here’s to hoping that the right people will be drawn to my content. Those who are looking for connection and realness and authenticity.
If you’re reading this far into this post, maybe that’s you!
And if so, thank you.
Well, thank you either way.
You are awesome and worthy of love and grace.
I hope you believe that.
