A public journal about learning to connect

Hi. I'm Josh.
And I'm a real human being.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression for a lot of my life. It's easier to say that now than it used to be. But there's still a little hesitation. A little insecurity creeps in. Because it's hard to say something that could make you seem… flawed.

Of course I am.

But I also feel like I'm not supposed to be.

I'm working on seeing that differently. But it's still there, sometimes more than others.

I set out to heal my anxiety about twelve years ago. I have tried… everything. A lot of things. Meditation, breathing techniques, cold exposure, mindset work, acceptance. I developed my own techniques. I learned how to get present and observe the sensations of anxiety in my body and soften them.

I got pretty good at it. I improved a lot over the years. I learned how to calm the nervous system.

Sometimes.

That's the thing. Most of my efforts eventually turned into one more thing to do. One more thing to monitor. One more thing to stress me out. One more thing to make me anxious.

But recently I noticed something. The best times of my life — the ones where the anxiety got quieter and I actually felt like I was alive — were never the ones where I had the best techniques. They were the ones where I had people. Friends. Real conversations. Real connection. Being actually seen by someone.

There's a famous Harvard study that followed people for over eighty years trying to figure out what makes a good life. It wasn't money. It wasn't success. It wasn't even health habits. It was the quality of people's close relationships.

I've always struggled a little bit socially. I've had great friends in my life. I still have some great friends. And I feel like I've always been good at helping other people feel seen. But I have struggled to let myself be seen. Like, the unpolished version of me. The one who struggles.

I always felt like I had to have it all together and have all the answers. And I've done a pretty good job with that. I've had answers for other people. And maybe I've been able to help them feel connected.

But I've always kept a bit of a wall up around my own messy parts.

Maybe you know that feeling.

So this is me trying to change that. Truthfully, I've always been pretty good at connecting deeply with people — in the right circumstances, I guess. I love a good conversation. Love a deep connection.

But getting past the initial anxiety has always made those connections a bit more rare than common. And this world has evolved into something that doesn't allow for meaningful connection easily.

I'm trying to change that. For myself, and for others.

Because I think deep, healthy connection is what we're most lacking in the world today. And what we need most.

So that's what this website is. My attempt to connect with people. And to help other people feel connected. I share my journey. My struggles. My insights. Hopefully a little more vulnerably than I have in the past.

And hopefully we can help each other find happier, healthier versions of ourselves along the way.

— Josh

I made a little app for this.

Getting past that initial surface level has always been the hardest part for me. So I built the thing I needed.